Navigating Relationships as a Parent with a Neurodivergent Child

 Individual therapy for relationship issues

As a mom to a neurodivergent child or a child who has complex medical needs, the relationships in your life can be a lot more complicated to navigate than they were in the past. If you and your child’s other parent are still together there can be a lot for the two of you to navigate and there can be times when you just don’t understand what is going on with your partner.  The relationship can be even harder to figure out if the two of you are no longer together and you are trying to figure out how to work together as co-parents.  If you are single and trying to date there are a lot of extra fears around this as well.  Relationships, in general, are just hard when you have a child who is struggling or different than other kids whether it is a friendship or family relationship.

Staying connected to your partner as a parent whether you have a newborn or teenager can be difficult.  As the mother of a neurodivergent child, this can be even harder.  You may listen to what your partner is saying about your child and feel like they are talking about a completely different child or you might realize that they don’t really understand your child’s strengths or limitations yet.  Sometimes, your partner might get angry whenever you talk about possible services that could help or they might be even more on board than you are pushing you to do things that you aren’t feeling quite ready to do.  One or both of you might be recognizing similarities between you and your child that may make you question yourself and who you or they are.  They may be grieving or embracing what is going on with your child while you are feeling completely different. 

All of this adds to the chasm that seems as though it has been growing between the two of you and you don’t know how to connect with them anymore and you don’t even understand where they are coming from.  Even if both of you are on the same page about what is going on with your child there is still a ton of appointments to make and responsibilities to follow through with that you didn’t have before. If one of you is shouldering all of that burden or the other one doesn’t see a reason for any of it, resentment can begin to grow.  It can get even harder if the two of you disagree about how to handle any emotional struggles your child is having or if one parent seems more connected than the other one.  Finding time to connect is also really difficult when finding a babysitter to help you have time between the two of you is so difficult.

I can work individually with you to help you to see your partner’s side and understand what is going on with them.  I can help you learn ways to stay calm when you are feeling angry and figure out ways for the two of you to get on the same page.  I can help you figure out ways to ask your partner to work together so that the two of you can connect again and maybe start to work together as a team again.

That means that when you are co-parenting with an ex there can be a lot to navigate.  No matter what your co-parent is like there will always be disagreements and differences between the two households and if this is hard for your child it can make the situation harder for you as the mother to stomach.  It’s tempting to jump in and save the co-parent in order to make things easier for your child but that puts so much more of the burden on you. Whether your co-parent is onboard and helpful or oblivious and difficult we can work together individually to figure out how to navigate the relationship with as little stress as possible. 

If you are a single mother, dating again can be really scary. 

Every time you put yourself out there you risk both you and your child being rejected.  Bringing someone else into your life feels even scarier and risky because up until now you have been doing everything on your own and for some reason having to go back to this a second time seems like it might be that much more painful.  But at the same time, you desperately want the connection of another adult and long for the family feeling.  There is so much possibility of loss but also so much to gain.  There is also a lot of fear here because of how vulnerable neurodivergent kids can be and how different your life can be at times.

Friendships feel like they are really hard to come by because no one understands what you are going through with your child.   Even if they aren’t judgmental, they still often don’t understand what your day-to-day is like and it can be very difficult to connect.  The parental isolation and burnout are painful at times and you just need someone to understand what is going on with you and reassure you that you are doing the best you can.

Often, a family can be one of two ways or at other times they can be both at the same time.  They can be two helpful or completely hands-off.  The problem is that either way often they feel like they can tell you what you should or shouldn’t do and when they don’t understand your child and your life the advice can be useless and sometimes insulting.  You are already questioning yourself so much and then they give you suggestions often couched around fear and it makes you question yourself and the things that you know about your child.

Begin Individual Therapy for Relationship Issues, as a Mother of a Neurodiverse Child, in California

In all of these situations, the two of us can work together to learn to look for red flags of people that you don’t want in your life.  We can figure out how to set boundaries and how to make the connections that you need in your life if the relationships from your past are not providing for all of your needs. That’s my goal as a therapist for parents with neurodiverse children. From my Sacramento, CA therapy practice, I can help you wherever you are in the state with online therapy in California. Here’s how to get started:

1. Fill out a contact form to get connected with me.

2. Read more about my approach to therapy.

3. Get the support, and community, you need to joyfully navigate your life.

Other Services for Mothers of Neurodivergent Kids in Sacramento, CA

Here at my Sacramento, CA-based therapy practice, I understand how complex it is to be a mother of a neurodivergent child. If you need therapy for grief as you constantly worry about your child’s future, I can support you in those feelings. If you’re feeling isolated in this experience, I offer support for that too. We also all need community! So, I offer group therapy if you’re looking more specifically for a special needs parent support group or an ADHD parent support group. Please reach out so we can get you connected with the caring, specialized support you need, here.