Therapy For Parents of PDAers (Persistent Desire for Autonomy, AKA Pathological Demand Avoidance)

Support for when parenting is at its hardest

WORK WITH ME
WORK WITH ME

None of the advice you’ve ever been given has worked.

You watch your child struggle so much with everything from normal daily tasks to the things they want for themselves. It’s not that they don’t know how to do it, but once it’s expected, they just can’t.

It isn’t an easy struggle. The way that they treat you is a lot. There is deep shame around it. And you hate the idea of reaching out again for help, just to have the person suggest behavior therapy, chore charts, and things that you know will just make it worse.

You know they are thinking this is about you. That this is your fault, and it’s something you are doing.

But you know deep down that this is about your child, their anxiety, and the war they have with themselves every single day.

Supporting Your PDA-er to Be Their Best Self

You want a peaceful house. A house where everyone is happy and content. Without screaming, yelling, or breaking stuff.

You want the world to feel like it isn’t going to come crashing down at the drop of a hat, either emotionally or physically, or both.

You want to watch your child do the things they want to do without this constant internal struggle.

But most of all, you just want your child to have a life where they are loved and experience happiness and joy, no matter what that looks like.

I Help Parents Of PDA-ers Understand and Be There for Their Child

This isn’t behavior therapy, I’m not going to suggest chore charts or “clear communication”. I’m going to help you figure out the best way to be present for your child.

I’m going to help you understand what is going on for them. I’m going to help you not make it worse.

I will help you to get out of your child’s way so they can move forward when they are able.

We’ll learn how you can support your child, encourage your child, and help your child. Not the child in the books, not the child that everyone else has. But your child.

I’m going to be honest, they might always struggle with themselves. But you don’t have to be another thing that they are fighting when they’re trying to get through the day.

I’m going to help you be the parent who walks alongside your child instead of pushing them up a hill, kicking and screaming. Because you know that even if that’s working now it isn’t always going to work and really it’s probably making everything harder already.

Danielle Peters LMFT

Neurodivergent Parenting Expert Helping Parents Learn What Works for their PDA kids

As a neurodivergent affirming therapist, and a parent who gets it, I’ve sat with parents exactly where you are right now.

Watching your child struggle to accomplish the smallest tasks like showering or getting to school is heart-wrenching. Not only is it stressful because there are always consequences to not getting these things done, but often we can tell that our child actually wants to complete the task.

But they just can’t move their bodies to make it happen.  They can physically do it, but their brain just can’t make it happen.

It really is like they are standing in their own way.

I’ve helped parents of kids who struggle in this way learn about their kids so that they can really be present with them and provide what they actually need.

Not force them to do the things that society says they need, but give them what they actually need from you.

One of the hardest things for parents is how sensitive our kids can be and how important it is for us to be well grounded. This is so hard when we are watching our child struggle the way they do.

Not only will we work on how to help them but also we will help you get out of your own way as well.

This gives all of you the best chance to help your child move forward and have the life that they want.

How to Get Started

Follow these simple steps to get started supporting your PDA-er better.

1.

2.

3.

Fill out the Contact Form

Start out by filling out the contact form and I will get back to you within 48 hours to schedule your free 15 minute consultation.

Consultation

I will call you at the agreed upon time and we will make sure that we are a good fit to work together. If this is a good fit we will schedule your first appointment.

Start Therapy

I will send you paperwork and we will get started on your journey to understanding your child better.

Frequently Asked Questions

  • The clinical term for PDA in the United Kingdom is Pathological Demand Avoidance. Many people prefer the term Persistent Desire for Autonomy because they don’t like the original terms.

  • PDA (pathological demand avoidance or persistent demand for autonomy) is a profile mostly seen in autistic kids, though there is some conversation about whether it shows up with ADHDers as well.

    It’s a deep fight or flight driven resistance to demands and really demands from anywhere like school, parent, or internal expectations.

    It looks different for every child, it might be loud and aggressive or passive paralysis or somewhere in between. The important thing is to understand the root is that demands are overwhelming for the child and make them feel almost impossible.

    These kids are not “bad”. They aren’t “oppositional”. They are doing the best they can to get through the day. 

    When they finally feel safe enough to fall apart it’s usually at home. With you. That isn’t a sign you aren’t a good parent but a sign you are doing your job and allowing them to feel safe being themselves.

  • Most neurotypical parenting advice is full of the ideas that clear communication, expectations, rewards, consequences, and follow through will eventually get your child to comply. And this works with most kids.

    With PDA kids it does the opposite. Every demand registers as life threatening. The consistency and expectations just makes things worse. 

    This is why it feels like you’ve tried everything and nothing does what it’s supposed to. It doesn’t put your child’s nervous system front and center. In fact it triggers it even more exacerbating a situation that is already difficult. 

  • PDA behaviors are simply your child expressing the overwhelm their body experiences when a demand is placed on them.

    Some kids get loud, they yell, scream, and throw things. Other kids go quiet, they ignore you, get distracted or just do nothing at all. Many kids do both depending on the day.

    What makes it hard to recognize is they can look like defiance, laziness, or manipulation. Especially to people outside of your family.

    But really it’s a nervous system that is overwhelmed and your child is doing the best they can.

  • PDA looks different in each child. They might yell and scream or appear to quietly ignore you. Some kids swing back and forth between the two extremes. 

    But there is a pattern when you look underneath it all, difficulty with demands or expectations happens in all environments, and doesn’t respond to typical parenting advice like consequences or rewards.

    It is worse at home than anywhere else. If you are reading this page and feel like this might be your life it’s definitely something to have a conversation about.

    Even if you don’t completely see your child in this page we can talk about what you do see and decide together.