Better Relationships as a Mother with a Neurodivergent Child
Individual Therapy for Relationship Issues
Build or recreate your relationships so that they are supportive and rewarding
As the mom of a neurodivergent child, the relationships in your life can be a lot more complicated than they used to be. Not just your marriage or the relationship with your child’s other parent, but every single relationship you have. Parenting a neurodivergent child affects your relationships with your partner, your extended family, and possible friends.
Not because of who your child is, but because others don’t understand neurodivergence and what that means for how your child interacts in the world.
If they don’t understand your child, it also means they don’t understand your choices as a parent. Their feelings about that are often opinionated and difficult to manage.
No one else is in your shoes, so it’s difficult for others to understand.
Let’s talk about how some of your relationships might be affected
Maintaining a marriage and parenting a neurodivergent child or children
Every marriage is work. You have to spend time finding common ground. When you have a child or children who are not on the typical path, it can make connecting even harder.
The two of you might have different levels of understanding about your child and their needs. You might disagree on how to help your child be the best version of themselves.
There might also be different levels of awareness around what neurodivergence means for your child and their life.
Many of my clients struggle to be on the same page with their partner around parenting even when the rest of the relationship is amazing.
Co-parenting when your child is different (autistic or adhd)
When you’re navigating coparenting in different houses, it can get even more complicated.
You may be parenting your neurodivergent child with someone who doesn’t believe or agree with their diagnosis. If this affects how they parent it can be a difficult path to navigate. For both you and your child.
Watching your child struggle in one household and then come home and release the negative energy at home is stressful and tough to navigate.
Even if both of you are on the same path with your child’s neurodivergence, you might still have different ideas about parenting.
You feel helpless when your child is at their other home.
Dating as a parent of a neurodivergent child can be difficult
If you’ve decided to start dating, finding the actual time to date can be hard. Then somehow you have to find someone to watch your child that they like and you can trust.
For every mom, the fears around dating are high, but when your child is on a different path, they’re even higher.
You end up in that same space again, where no one understands your child the way you do.
You’ve been with them since the beginning, so you understand their needs and who they are. But it’s harder for someone who’s just meeting them now.
When you or your child has a hard day, and they can’t help, it makes the relationship that much harder to navigate.
Even Friendships are Harder
You get tired of hearing other people’s opinions. Especially when they really don’t understand your child and the type of parenting that’s worked best so far.
When your “friends” don’t understand, they start avoiding you and your child because they don’t know what to do or how to respond. They don’t know how to talk to their kids about your child, and eventually, they start feeling uncomfortable.
Even if they’re understanding to a certain point, the relationship only gets close to a certain point because they can only understand so far.
When you have a neurodivergent child, your relationships with family are either amazing or difficult
The relationships with family members can be really complicated. They are often either well-meaning and supportive or completely unaccepting and disapproving. Either way, they rarely really understand.
If the family member is in denial, this can be particularly difficult. They see your child’s hard days as bad behavior. They expect you to treat your child like that’s the case, and for some reason, they almost take it personally when you respond differently than they think you should.
They accuse you of spoiling your child and have a long list of possible consequences that are all worst-case scenarios.
Even when your family is supportive, it can be hard. They try to help and be there for you, but they also have opinions.
These opinions might come from a place of more understanding, but they still always have pressure to them.
They still always have worries that you just can’t deal with right now.
Always, the assumption is that you need to do better when maybe you are already doing everything you can.
As a parent of a neurodivergent child and a therapist, I understand
I know how difficult these relationships can be. I know that your day-to-day life isn’t the same as others.
I understand that traditional doesn’t work for your child and that, in reality, it actually makes things worse.
Relationships are hard because connecting with someone on a deep level who doesn’t understand your child feels almost impossible. Even if you can find the time and childcare to actually connect and build your relationships.
No matter what you do and how you connect with others, there will always be that mom guilt that never seems to go away. Whether you spend some time without your child or take your child to visit family. It’s always there.
You would love relationships that don’t make it worse
You want relationships where your child is understood, and you aren’t always fighting for them
Where you don’t feel like you’re always defending yourself and explaining your child. A place where your child knows they’re safe and you can trust them around your child.
Relationships where you can just be. Where you can be yourself. And your child can too.
People you can go to, to celebrate the wins and talk about the struggles. But when you do talk about the struggles, you don’t have to worry about other people’s judgment or anxiety. People you can depend on to stick around even when you or your child has a hard day.
A relationship where they aren’t going to leave because your child is so different or they disapprove of your parenting.
People who feed your energy instead of draining it. Where you don’t have to fight it out every time your child has a hard day at school.
You want to feel the support that other families seem to have.
How individual therapy for relationships, as a mother of a neurodivergent child can help
I understand how isolating and alone it can be. In therapy together, we will work on identifying the relationships that are good and positive in your life.
If you don’t currently have any, we will work to figure out how to help you build a community. Help you find people who understand your child and you.
For the relationships that you have, I will help you to figure out which relationships might be unhealthy for you and your child, and work together to see if they can be saved. We will work on boundary setting and healthy communication.
If you want (this isn’t always a given), we’ll talk about educating the people in your family about your child and their needs. At least, we’ll figure out how to be in the relationships that you want to keep in a way that feels less stressful.
We will help you learn to continue to parent your child in a way that feels right to you, even when others disapprove.
How to start individual therapy for relationship issues when you are the parent of a neurodivergent child
If you are ready to start therapy, here are the steps
Fill out a contact form and schedule a consultation
1.
Receive a free 15 minute consultation where we decide if we are a good fit
2.
Start therapy